While you where gone I decided to redecorate the workshop. Some people also decided to stop by.
Wow, this guy's an asshole. He even stole my sword!
I'm sure you can guess how I responded.
The other guy in the room notices that I'm "having trouble" with the racist. I polity decline his offer as I think I can handle this on my own.
Have I mentioned that NPCs have the oh so realistic reaction of flipping the fuck out if I ever dare to say no to them?
Well guess what buddy, I'll just chop you up along with your new friend here.
After a good stabbing session I couldn't be bothered to record, Mr. Racist offers me money to stop.
I, of course, accept it. Hooray for free money!
I then go right back to killing him, I really don't like racists. I also decide to finish off his new buddy since I've already cut off his foot.
Well with that task done I need to figure out what I'm going to do for the rest of this update, hmmm... ahhh, I know, I'll give you tour of the prison.
Well come along then. I guess I'll start with the study.
This is the study, I can read books for intelligence or look up prisoners on the computer. I also run into a fellow Bay12er.
Would it really have been that hard to include some more responses?
On the opposite side of the spectrum is this guy, and yes this message is just as common. Oh! And it's just as annoying, can't forget that part.
Your real name wouldn't happen to be Mat Dickie would it?
Before I can begin murdering Not-Dickie I get yet another terrorist attack. This would bring the total so far up to four, as there where another two that happened off screen while I was screwing around with the workroom textures.
Yes, that is a perfect explosion, nothing wrong with it at all. Nope, totally does not look like a pathetic little puff of fire.
Alright, I'm done now, just had to get that out of my system.
With the terrorist threat over for now, Not-Dickie starts picking fights with all the other inmates. I decide to leave him to get his ass kicked and get on with my tour.
*Ahem* So this is the main room, it connects everything together and there's another computer to look inmate stats up on.
There's also a TV, but it just cycles through a few images repeatedly, including yet another MDickie logo.
Time to make my way to the infirmary, also, as promised I killed the logo.
There was a death announcement when I got in here, I've also just noticed that everybody bows there head after one.
I'm guessing MDickie thought that it would add impact to their death, I just think it looks silly.
So welcome to the infirmiry, I can sleep on the beds to restore health, or make drugs for money.
And yes, the guards are perfectly fine with me mucking about with chemicals, there's even a sign saying so.
Yes, I had noticed that.
I guess I'd better show you the bathroom now.
Ok, just a few things wrong with that statement.
1: Nothing shady ever actually happens here.
2: In a prison there is no privacy, the guards would be everywhere.
3: This is the only bathroom, do the wardens just find a nice corner to piss in?
Well on with my somewhat more accurate tour.
This sign tell me that MDickie doesn't really understand how showers work. This would go a long way in explaining his apparent lack of people skills.
So on with the tou-
Do these terrorists really have nothing better to do?
Well screw you game! I'm continuing.
This is the toilet, it's just a remodeled chair so all you can do is take a nap on it.
And this is the shower, you saw the sign back there you know what it does. I've turned into a blood shower out of boredom.
Oh, guess we'll have to continue in the morning. Well the infirmary is right there so I guess it's time to murder another warden.
Really? You mean that buzzer I heard thirty seconds ago? Oh I'm going to enjoy this far to much.
You know, I can't imagine that would smell very nice.
I suppose with this absolutely ridiculous picture I should talk a bit about the combat system.
Yes that is me performing a wrestling move on him, for you see MDickie is a lazy little bastard and just reused the combat system from one of his shitty wrestling games instead of making something that would actually fit the setting.
And of course the bombs go off now, great timing game!
Hey, free money!
And of course he manages to get me with the bullshit warden grab, fighting these guys can be a bit a crapshoot at times.
Ok, we've seen this before. I've gone ahead and reversed the flag mod so you can see just how lazy the actual thing is.
I manage to shout my name first and get off. Well back to prison for me! I'm really looking forward to everybody calling me a snitch.
Oh look, another "dear friend", I think I'll put that baseball bat I see back there to good use.
Well...
I'm using it to shatter your willpower AND your bones.
You sir, are an idiot. Here have your $200.
Do you think he regrets his greed now?
Apparently blunt objects can cut off limbs in this game, in this case I've lopped an entire arm off.
I put him down for good without too much more effort.
The lag isn't to bad right now so I decide to just sleep in my cell.
Well it seems somebody's a snitch, or the wardens are just being psychic again. I'm not going down easily though.
I head to the workroom to see what spawned in the night. Hopefully I can find something useful.
What. The. Fuck. So let me get this straight, each day the wardens put out some stuff you can build for money. And today one of those items is a fucking fully functional sub-machine gun complete with bullets.
Never underestimate the stupidity of a MDickie game.
Well I suppose I have a nice weapon though, I mean really, guards this dumb are entirely deserving of their coming death.
Unfortunately I'm having a little trouble actually finding any wardens.
Ahh, here's our old friend. Perfect for testing my new toy.
He spots my gun and demands I drop it, I say no of course.
Confident little shit isn't he?
I open fire, watching bullet after bullet slam into him. Annoyingly it seems that rather than actually track how much ammo is in the gun the game just has you reload at random. sometimes I have to stop and reload after only a few shots.
What does it take to kill this guy!?!
The bullets barely even faze him, I'm beginning to worry that I'll run out of ammo.
A nearby inmate decides to help me, the warden barely even reacts to getting curb stomped.
The warden drags himself up yet again and begins advancing on me, unfortunately the auto aim is really crappy and I accidentally shoot another inmate.
My bullets rip his leg off, knocking him to the ground yet again.
Somehow he balances on his remaining leg and starts hopping towards me.
Seriously though, what the hell does it take to kill this guy? He doesn't even seem fazed by that ripped open femoral artery.
I manage to blow of his other leg, a few more rounds after that manage to finally put him down for good.
Amusingly npcs with no legs will actually go through the getting up animation before the game remembers that, oh yeah they have no legs, and they flop back onto the ground. This will actually continue indefinitely so I'm guessing the dismemberment feature was more or less tacked on with no real thought on how it would actually work.
So... anybody want to see the cafeteria?
Well that's too bad since horrific lag froze my controls, which a nearby warden promptly took advantage of.
Jackass stole my gun too.
Hooray! I win again!
To avoid disappointment... what?
Well come along, there's one last stop on the tour.
That's right, it's the court yard and- hold on a second.
Wow, nice background there dumb-ass, couldn't just make it a cube?
Well let's head back in- wait a minute.
That building looks tiny.
Yep, really small. And why even bother rendering the roof? Way to waste resources there Dickie.
So as I was saying, you can come here to build up your strength by lifting weights.
Or you can desperately try to amuse yourself by tossing beach balls at the wall underneath that basket ball hoop.
And that concludes the tour, any questions?
No comments:
Post a Comment